Sunday, February 04, 2007

My "Benzo" Story

Anti-anxiety medications known as tranquilizers such as valium, zanax, ativan, etc. are drugs commonly referred to as benzodiazepines. Those of us familiar with these medications call them "benzos". I thought it might be worthwhile to post my benzo story here for others who are considering taking them to decrease their surgery anxiety. My advice unequivocally is -- DON'T!!!

I started taking valium in my early 20's which were prescribed to me by a military doctor for pain. I didn't think twice about it. Not too long after I started taking valium, I started having strange health problems. I never equated the two and when my perspcription ran out, I stopped taking them. Until about a year or two later when I was getting a divorce and I found another doctor who perscribed them. That's also about the time my panic attacks began. Again, I did not equate one with the other. What I didn't know was that benzos cause rebound anxiety and panic attacks, especially the ones with the longer half life. I then took valium and other benzos over the next 20 years mostly on an as-needed basis for panic attacks, sometimes as little as .5 mgs per month. Throughout these years, I continued to suffer from strange symptoms for which I went from doctor to doctor with no diagnosis.

Then in my early 40's I got really sick. One of my doctors told me I had "anxiety neurosis" and prescribed 1 mg of ativan on a daily basis. For a while the ativan did help alleviate my symptoms. What I didn't know was that I had developed tolerance withdrawal even though I was not taking the valium on a regular basis because of its long half life. That's why the ativan helped. But then I continued to get worse, having trouble even walking. I went to many specialists who diagnosed me with among other things, MS, myesthenia gravis, lupus, toxo plasmois, and finally, chronic fatigue. It got to the point where I really didn't think I could go on. All of the doctors knew my benzo history but not one of them thought to consider that they were making me ill. Such a small pill has such a tremendous effect on the nervous system.

Finally, it was my accupuncturist who suggested that I slowly taper off the ativan. And when I did, that's when it hit me like a DUH! that it was the benzos that had been making me ill all those years. By then, a lot of nerve damage had been done. But fortunately I was one of the lucky ones who was able to taper off and actually recover my health and my life. Unlike most drugs, benzos are not something that you can just detox off. Benzos alter the landscape of the brain, its ability to naturally calm itslef down. You have to taper very very slowly and even then its barely tolerable. It took a good 2 years before I started feeling somewhat normal again and even today, almost 6 years later, I still have chronic muscle fatigue and other benzo damage issues. For about a month after my surgery, the panic attacks and aggitation came back most likely due to the benzo they gave me right before they put me under.

So anyone who may be considering tranquilizers to deal with anxiety, I recommend that go to "benzo.org.uk" (click on My "Benzo" Story title for link.)

16 comments:

Brandyleigh35 said...

Wow Mary,
Sounds like you have had quite a journey. Very interesting stuff, had no idea there even was such a thing. It was very fascinating reading though, and good to know that you are finally healing from all of this!

Brandy

Mary said...

Hi Brandy, thanks for your note, always nice to hear from you. And "happy 1 year wearing braces anniversary" to you!
I posted my benzo story after I read that Rebecca was going to ask her doctor for anti-anxiety meds. I really only wrote the bare basics of my story, I really did go through hell as have many others I met on the benzo support group. A percentage of people actually don't recover. Its criminal that these drugs are on the market, people don't even realize the damage they do. Even after only a single dose for my surgery, because of my history with benzos, I had weeks of aggitation. Fortunately a single dose won't do this.
So I guess you are laying pretty low until the end of spring, it will be here before you know it! Has the snow cleared yet?
Mary

Mary said...

PS--I meant to say a single dose won't do this for most people if they haven't already been taking them on a regular basis.

Mrs. Shanton said...

Thanks for your story, Mary. I do hate to see people given psychotropic medications before they have tried lifestyle changes, GOOD psychotherapy, etc. It's like putting a big band-aid on a hemorrhage, in my opinion, and the real underlying problem never gets solved. People lose their self-confidence and the chance to accomplish real self esteem. It's a big problem, because people want something fast, and doctors don't always have quick, inexpensive alternatives. Ironically, the cost is high, isn't it? I'm glad you posted your story because I guess I was thinking about getting some Ativan for sleep, and now I'm not going to. I'll sleep when I'm tired enough. Good luck with your recovery. And, you're right also about benzos altering the brain--it can be FATAL for people to stop them cold-turkey. I will say that I think it's ok for most people to use them short-term for situational (NOT chronic) anxiety. My mother used a few tablets very successfully in the beginning of her cancer diagnosis and surgery. I guess I think they're a bad idea for general depression and anxiety, and a refill request should trigger a serious re-evaluation, you'd think....
Good job.

Mrs. Shanton said...

I re-read my post and realize it may sound like I'm blaming people for their benzo problems. I don't mean to. I think we have a dysfunctional medical system, actually. It's all about doctors getting less time with people, not taking a wholistic approach to medicine (such as addressing people's lives, and not just lab results) and drug companies and supply companies making more and more and more money. It's a shame. I'm glad you're on a path to real recovery. It can't be easy, so my hat is off to you.

Anonymous said...

I think it just awful that this family of drug has caused you such harm. I was relieved to read that you've mostly recovered! Thanks for the personal story, it'll help me remember how dangerous those drugs are.

I must add that I was prescribed ativan post-op, and it helped me a lot. I didn't sleep for more than two hours a night for the first two weeks post-op until I started taking it. I was in a lot of pain and my nerve regeneration was happening so eagerly, that the tingling was incredibly intense so I couldn't fall asleep (I couldn't even concentrate enough to read a book). Ativan was a sanity saver, but as Steph mentioned, I was using it for short term situational use and nothing more.

bman said...

My name is Brett, and I can understand your story about benzos. I took xanax XR 1mg for 4 weeks in April of 2006 after having taken xanax intermittently for a year before that.

I cold turkeyed it and a few days later got muscle stiffness and rigidity in my arms and hands such that it's difficult to use my hands to pick up objects like paper. I've been med free for 2 years and the problem has persisted since. I've had it checked out and it's the protracted withdrawal syndrome from Xanax XR. Many have said that we recover from this but I don't know how long it will take.

I hope that doctors eventually find out the dangers of these drugs and not give them out like candy. A lot of people have written books to try to educate the doctors and the public on these drugs. I hope for the best.

Thanks so much,

Brett

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